Dear Adam,
It all started with you. Douchebag Numero Uno. What the fuck did you do to push eve into the slithery clutches of the serpent? It had to be good, because no woman in her right mind would even look at a snake, much less let him convince her to eat a world-felling fruit. She'd run away screaming for you to kill the fucking thing with a shoe - or, in your pre-clothed case, a rock. Duh.
Behind every woman is a man driving her crazy enough to chat up a slithering, hissing creature with glowing eyes. So whatever it was you did or said to poor eve, nice work. All we do know is that at the time, the girl thought she was in better company.
Douche.
