the wanker of weinergate

I wonder how any man with the last name "Weiner" could ever imagine that taking a picture of his man parts of the same name (in slanguage, anyway) would be a good idea. Weren't there enough cruel children in his past that had turned his last name into a form of torment to put his conscious in check when he had the impulse to text his tallywacker? And not just once, but multiple times. I heard the other day that the 5th Woman of Weinergate had come forward - it sounds like an unfortunate knighted title, doesn't it?

Let's get to the (man)root of Weinergate. Men are fascinated with their junk. They want to talk about it, compare it, measure it, name it, joke about it, touch it in that infamous "rearranging" gesture. There's a host of euphemisms for it, and an incessant need to find innuendo for it in the course of completely non-sexual everyday conversation. It's an obsession to the nth degree. That's why they take pictures of it - I'm looking at you, Favre - and send it to women. Although, I can't imagine a more repulsive text.

But they think it's something that you want to see. Maybe because it's what they use to think. After all, for years, they bought cigarettes because they identified with a dick-faced camel.

Why the schlong face?

the douchinator

So Ahnold and Maria broke up and shockingly, the Governator was soon after implicated in extreme douchiness for Classic Boy Shit. An affair. A love child. And supposedly said love child was born within days of Maria's youngest child?

Vom.

I've had this conversation with girlfriends before, regarding elected officials: no one's a saint, right? Just because a guy's an absolute dog in his real life doesn't mean he won't do a good job in office. We shouldn't hold it against him.

But I kind of do.

Because, hello. It's gross. If a guy can't respect his own wife with fidelity, are we to believe he'll do the honorable thing on behalf of his constituents?

Why do boys, especially famous ones, think it's okay to disregard human decency? Not that Mrs. Garish behaved any better in this scenario. But it's like they think their penises are extra-special by association with power and fame. The Governator, John Edwards, Jesse James. Jude Law (why, Jude, why?). Countless examples. Even, dareIsay, Dr. King. Yeah. The same one we all quote, seek to emulate and otherwise revere for his humanitarian ideals? Apparently he couldn't keep it in his pants out of love and respect for his marriage, either.

But we worship them anyway. And everyone knows in spite of this recent fiasco, Ahnold will be back. In the spotlight soon enough for his latest movie featuring blown-up shit.

Whatever, dude. It ain't that big.

photo cred: edjane obama